How to Overcome Fear & Negative Emotion with Gratitude

How to Overcome Fear and Negative Emotion with Gratitude

Kate Byars | November 27, 2016

It’s Thanksgiving which means my Inbox and social media accounts are full of articles on gratitude. Entirely well-meant, the articles in my newsfeed suggest that I should be grateful for so many things in life.

Like my family. And my health.

I am tremendously grateful for my family and my health and certainly realize how very lucky I am in both of regards. However, I also feel a sense of guilt when I see these articles. Like maybe I’m not appreciative enough. Or maybe I’m doing something wrong if I’m not satisfied with my life, even though I have an amazing family and excellent health.

Do you know what I mean?

So I’d like to put a different spin on gratitude and give you a perspective that helped me get comfortable overcoming fear so I could take the risks necessary to create the life I wanted. The road to the Good Life – a life you create on your own terms – isn’t easy. It’s hard work to create the life you want. The journey is rife with setbacks and challenges – which is why it’s so easy to abandon our best intentions and return to the safety of the status quo.

GRATITUDE is a secret tool that can be hugely advantageous as you strive to jump from one point in life to the next. I have an achiever personality – which means I like to get things done and see progress in life. In fact, if I am not progressing I feel LAZY. And, Heavens to Betsy, if I FAIL I become absolutely morose and panic-stricken. Which means that for most of my life I shied away from anything that even resembled a possible failure.

Yet, avoiding failure meant I was also avoiding creating the life I truly wanted.

So please bare with me if I jump onto the “gratitude bandwagon” and take up space in your Inbox with ONE MORE gratitude post.

Hopefully this article will not only help you reflect on what you have, but also give you some actionable advice that helps you on your quest to build the life you want.

Overcoming fear, self-doubt, and negative emotions requires the ability to call on positive emotions during those darker times. Sitting around thinking “I should be grateful for what I have” usually won’t cut the mustard. When you’re not feeling lucky, it doesn’t really help to be told that you should be feeling lucky…no?

Instead, when you feel overcome by negative emotion, it’s always more EFFECTIVE to look at rationale examples of what you are capable of rather than an overarching, generic sense of how lucky you should feel.

Here is how gratitude comes into play…

You are an AMAZING and UNIQUE individual. You have rare talents and characteristics that are UNLIKE anyone else in the world! Did you know that? Each of us has our own proprietary blend of traits and yet, we rarely step back to celebrate ourselves.

Sound arrogant? It’s not.

Those who easily overcome fear and failure tend to be those who appreciate their own amazing gifts and make this a daily practice. In order to do so, create a GRATITUDE JOURNAL and each day list at minimum three of your personality traits along with specific examples that make you, YOU.

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For example, if you are a good listener you might write down:

“I listened intently to the cashier at the grocery store yesterday, even though I was tired after work. My ability to listen helps others feel valued and I am able to bring a moment of joy to other’s lives.”

Being a good listener is not a trait that everyone possesses. It helps you build a loyal team as an empathetic boss. It helps you be a responsive vendor. It helps you have open and honest communication with your spouse.

Do you see how powerful it is to be grateful for YOU?

Now think about a negative experience you may have had lately. Maybe you lost a business contract. Or missed out on a high-profile project at work. Maybe you dropped the ball and let someone down.

It happens to all of us. The point is not to AVOID negative experiences – living an amazing life doesn’t come RISK FREE – it means coming up with EFFECTIVE STRATEGIES to overcome those negative moments and move on empowered by the experience.

Self-gratitude is one of the tools that helps you do just that.

When you’re having a low moment, take out your Gratitude Journal and read it. Let the words sink in. You’re not a failure and making a mistake doesn’t define you. You’re YOU and that means you’re amazing. And capable. And tremendously valuable to the world and those around you.

Applying the strategy of self-gratitude you’ll quickly see how negative emotions become less intense as you start to recognize what you’re feeling as a temporary situation – and one that you can overcome. Also, the simple act of taking action by reading or writing in your journal can help propel you to take additional positive action to overcome the setback. Rather than lamenting on a friend’s shoulder, you’ll find yourself sharing your experience with greater introspection as you try to dissect the failure rather than wear it on your sleeve.

I didn’t understand how powerful self-gratitude was until I started practicing gratitude in my own life. And you know what? Taking risks became easier once I started focusing on what makes me unique. I discovered that I was more than an accomplished executive or a loving mom and spouse. I discovered that I’m capable beyond my own expectations and pretty darn cool.

And you know what? You are capable beyond your own expectations and pretty darn cool, too.

I believe we all have a bit of trailblazer inside us, don’t you? It’s my passion to help others create change. I’ve always found that disrupting the status quo leads to an amazing life where nothing is impossible.

I Should Be the President of IBM

I Should Be the President of IBM

Kathleen Byars | November 20, 2016

I should be the President of IBM. No offense, Ginni Rometty, but that’s what my mom said.

It all started innocently enough. At the tender age of three, I was riding in the front seat (!!) of mom’s bright-turquoise Oldsmobile Plymouth bored out of my mind. I was too little to see out of the window, too little to read a book, and the iPad had yet to be invented. As I slipped and slid all over the turquoise, vinyl bench seat, I discovered a row of turquoise colored buttons along the door. They didn’t have a purpose other than to add a touch of decor – and to stimulate the mind of a bored little girl. As I sized up those tiny little buttons, I discovered something that would change the course of my life.

Three plus four equals seven.

Stunning…I know!

I told mom about my discovery and she nearly drove off the road. Apparently it’s a pretty rare thing for a three year old to understand math. The next thing I know my parents are announcing my genius to the world. By age six I’ve had my IQ tested and that unleashes years of debate as my parents anguish over whether to skip me a grade ahead in school or keep me with my age-level peers.

All I really cared about was soccer and Barbie dolls.

I was growing up in the 1970s and back then women didn’t hold many high level positions. My mom had a short-lived career as a bookkeeper, which was pretty outrageous for her day. Upon marrying my dad she quit her job, of course, to keep house.

Mom never went to college, and despite the fact she was incredibly intelligent, she always regretted her lack of education. In mom’s mind she was less important than those who were college educated.

It was a sign of the times and mom wore her insecurity on her sleeve.

Thus it is no wonder that mom always told me:

“Honey, you can do anything you want when you grow up…someday, you’ll be the President of IBM.”

If I had a dime for every time I heard mom say those words to me…well, you know what I mean. I heard those words A LOT.

And growing up in an era where women were transitioning from 1950s stepford wives to 1970s bra-burning feminists made it pretty clear to me I was supposed to be SOMEBODY SUCCESSFUL.

I can’t say I grew up inspired by feminists, but I do remember my mother impressing upon my sister and I that we were NOT to grow up to become housewives. Instead, we were to set our aspirations higher and become independent women capable of taking care of ourselves and standing on our own two feet.

I grew up thinking I would someday become a business executive. In fact, I don’t remember ever thinking I could do anything else.

Have you ever felt the same way?

In college, all of my friends knew exactly what they wanted to do. Doctors, lawyers, software engineers. I just wanted to be a business person. In my mind, the only way to have a good life was to succeed in business. Make my bosses proud. Make sacrifices for my company. Demonstrate my loyalty and do the right thing.

And I did exactly that. I got a great job, worked extremely hard, and climbed the corporate ladder. Until one day, I looked around and realized something poignant.

I had climbed the corporate ladder, but instead of arriving at a place of freedom and success, I had climbed inside a gilt-edged box; trapped by the comforts of my life and exhausted by the pace – and lack of control — that went along with it.

Yet, dammit, I was supposed to be a corporate executive. It was the only destiny I had ever known. How do you quit the only world that is familiar to you? Deep in the recesses of my mind, I was scared to leave my glamorous, gilded cage. Leaving it, ultimately meant I had failed. I was walking away from a good life and that meant I was ungrateful. I couldn’t cut it. I wasn’t strong enough.

And I would never become the President of IBM.

That reality took a long time for me to come to terms with. I mean, you gotta admit Ginni Rometty, is pretty dang important. And her job is powerful. And prestigious.

As I wrestled with my ego, it occurred to me that maybe I was valuing myself all wrong. Maybe I was valuable – and worthy of love – not because of WHAT I do, but because of WHO I am.

Sounds pretty basic, right?

Yet how many times in life are we rewarded for WHO we are? We get praised for bringing home an A+ in school. We are deemed to be extra-special if we get into an Ivy League university. We earn promotions and salary increases based on the results we produce at work.

Is it any wonder that it’s difficult to change course in life and step down from a successful life that most would envy for a more unconventional path that potentially goes against the grain?

But what if this alternate life give us unique opportunities to strengthen family bonds or even seek out new relationships? What if it gives us the opportunity to immerse ourselves inside a creative, fulfilling, passionate career wrought at our own hands? What if we can throw away the alarm clocks and meeting schedules and replace those with a fluid schedule whereby we work, eat, play, love, and have fun each and every day at our own chosen pace? And what if we can do all that and still be financially comfortable?

I don’t know about you, but when I think about life in this less conventional way, my ego lessens its grip just enough that the thought of becoming the President of IBM is a tad less appealing. And as I searched for the answers to build that unconventional life – a life on my own terms – one thing because amazingly clear.

Corporations don’t create gilded cages. They simply serve as a willing machine for those of us willing to be the cogs. Although I ultimately left the corporate world, I took my corporate mindset and frenetic habits with me. I may have been living on the beach, but I was still driving myself crazy jumping through impossible hoops in a never-ending attempt to fill a hole inside me.

And it wasn’t until I learned to fill that hole with a whole new way of thinking – and behaving – that I finally found the freedom that had alluded me for so long.

Ego is a crazy thing. And feeling important – and successful – feels good. Yet, I have to say that feeling free – well, it feels even better.

I believe we all have a bit of trailblazer inside us, don’t you? It’s my passion to help others create change. I’ve always found that disrupting the status quo leads to an amazing life where nothing is impossible.

If you think someone in your network could benefit from this article, please share!

Is Lack of Authenticity Killing Your Success?

Is Your Lack of Authenticity Killing Your Chances for Success?

Kathleen Byars | November 5, 2016

Are you struggling with growth in your business? Or perhaps you’ve come to a crossroads in your own life?

One minute things are on the upswing and you’re riding the wave. The next minute, you’re back in the trenches wondering how the heck you slipped backwards at all?

Your company enjoyed steady growth during those start-up years, yet now five years in, sales has become a daily struggle. Rather than reveling in your company’s progress, you’re dragging your business uphill inch-by-painful inch.

Or maybe your career took off right out of college and today you’ve reached a high-level of success. Yet, as you look around, life isn’t as meaningful as you thought it would be and you long for the freedom to control your own destiny.

I totally get it. I’ve experienced both. It’s arduous and painful. And for successful, driven, talented people – it’s totally baffling.

How can you be successful and suffering? What is the missing piece to the puzzle that you cannot seem to figure out?


In my experience, I’ve seen a lot of folks get blown off course because they don’t really understand their core purpose.

It certainly happened to me. Let me show you what I mean…

When you started your career you had a vision for what you would build. Yet, most likely that vision was wrapped around the type of work you wanted to do and financial success. That’s fine. It’s hard to focus on your core purpose if you’re starving.

As you go about building a career or a business, you talk to people and they get to know you and like you. You work hard, take care of problems, take risks and the result is growth.


Yet, now decisions start to become more complex. You are no longer running door to door with your briefcase full of wares…you’ve got to attract customers en masse. And you’re no longer jostling for a simple promotion. Now you’re running a department full of employees and having to coordinate your success across functional area lines. You run from meeting to meeting with rarely a moment’s rest.

And in the process our decisions become clouded by the demands of life. If we’re not in touch with our true destiny, then it’s hard to abide by any guidelines except the constant pressure for success.

So how does authenticity come into play? Simple. Stop trying to be what you THINK you need to be and start being who you ARE.


You stand for something. There is a cause, a purpose, an absolute truth inside each and every one of us. It’s your gift that you should be sharing with the world.

And when you start sharing your vision – that rich, human belief that’s deep inside of you… people who believe what you believe will automatically show up to listen. And share. And connect.

I promise.

When businesses call on me to help them with marketing, they’re stuck. They’ve tried all the traditional avenues and nothing has worked, or at least not for very long. These companies have hired ad agencies, freelancers, SEO specialists, and marketing coordinators and they can’t seem to move the needle. What gives?

They’ve forgotten who they are. Or maybe they never realized who they were in the first place.

In any case, the very first thing I do is help them get in touch with their core purpose. Their mission and values that are truly authentic – not a copywriter’s best imitation of what they think they should be. And then we choose the best channels and processes to announce that authentic purpose to the world.

Once that occurs a magnet effect springs to action. Internal staff members become aligned and ignited around a common mission. Customers wake up and take notice and begin following you and referring you to others. Tough business decisions become easier when measured against your purpose. And growth magically reappears. Happens every time.

It’s the same for individuals who are no longer finding joy in their lives. They’re stuck, too. They’ve tried rearranging their schedule, hired extra help, changed jobs, and taken a leave of absence. Yet, the heavy, gray haze of disillusionment remains. What gives?

They’ve forgotten who they are. Or maybe they never realized who they were in the first place.

Sound familiar?

So I help these folks get in touch with their core purpose. Once we begin to live authentically by our core beliefs… we start to THRIVE. We make effective decisions that lead us to greater joy. We learn to put up barriers when confronted with situations that don’t align with who we are. We become empowered by a renewed sense of self. And we take charge of our destiny and finally feel free.

It’s life-altering.

So who are you? Who is your authentic self? What is the legacy you will leave the world?

If you don’t know, find out. If you’re stuck take a look at my What’s Your Story article or give me a call. When you discover who you are you will no longer be stuck.

You’ll be thriving!

I believe we all have a bit of trailblazer inside us, don’t you? It’s my passion to help others create change. I’ve always found that disrupting the status quo leads to an amazing life where nothing is impossible.

If you think someone in your network could benefit from this article, please share!